Friends and Maybe More
by sinister cerberus
Summary: Xander talks to Angel after his return from Hell. A/X friendship, may become slash First Fic Please Read


Friends and Maybe More Rated: PG-13 Pairing: Angel/Xander (eventually) Warning: may become slash or stay a/x friendship Disclaimer: I own nothing, this is just for fun. Summary: Xander talks to angel after he returns from hell. Key: "talking", 'thinking'  
  
Chapter 1: Apologies  
  
Xander stood outside the doors to the mansion on Clawford street just after dusk. He was not looking forward to seeing Angel at all. He'd been wrestling with himself for almost a week after finding out about vampires return from hell and the events which had followed. He'd done a lot of thinking and after talking himself out of it several times Xander was finally ready to face Angel  
  
Taking a deep breath he raised his hand and knock on the door. He didn't have to wait long as the door soon swung open revealing very perplexed Angel.  
  
"Hey Deadboy" he stated.  
  
"Xander?" Angel asked confused as to the boys presence "Is everything alright, did something happen to Buffy?"  
  
"No, no nothing happened, everything fine. I was wondering if maybe we could talk?"  
  
"umm ya sure," Angel still a little puzzled nodded and stepped out of the doorway allowing Xander to enter.  
  
"Thanks" Xander replied  
  
That caught the vampire off guard, 'Xander has never thanked me before.' Angel remained quite as he led the boy to the living room and they sat down.  
  
"Ok," Xander started obviously very nervous. "I've been doing a lot of think, analyzing and self-reflection this week and I have come to some conclusions. This is kinda hard for me to say so I was hoping you'd let me get this all out before you say anything?"  
  
"Alright," Angel agreed. 'I wonder what he's got to say that's making him so anxious?'  
  
"I've been thinking and I want to both explain my actions and apologize for some of them." Xander stated  
  
Angel's face went from one of curiosity to complete shock an instant 'he's going to apologize, didn't see that one coming' he thought in disbelief  
  
'So far so good' Xander thought when he saw angel's face, then he continued. "I want to explain why I've done some of the things I've done. Most recently me pretty much sending Faith to kill you." he paused to gauge the vampires reaction, when angel did nothing he went on."When i found out you were back and saw Buffy and you making with the smooches I got really upset. First off I was still not convinced you had your soul back. Second I was miffed that Buffy would be with you again even after everything Angelus did and knowing that if you two got pelvicy it would all happen again. And third, I was and still am extremely upset that you hurt and killed so many of the people I cared about, especially what you did to Giles and Ms. Calendar."  
  
Angel flinched at the mention of her name killing her and torturing the watcher were the two thing he felt most guilty about. "Xander I'm sorry for what I did. I really wish I could change what happen."  
  
"I know that, I can see it in your eyes how guilty you feel. After you saved Willow last week during the whole Glove of Mitigon I began thinking and I realized that you are no more responsible for what happen when you lost your soul than I would be if I became a vampire." Xander paused allow what he had just said to sink in. "And I really want to apologize for sending Faith to kill you, I shouldn't have done that and I'm sorry."  
  
Angel sat for a moment thinking about what Xander had just said he was a little upset that it had been Xander that sent Faith to kill him but he could understand the boys reasons "I understand and thank you for the apology"  
  
Xander face became grim "Don' t thank me just yet. I still have some more but i think I'll save the worst for last."  
  
Angel just sits and waits for Xander to go on  
  
"I want to say I'm sorry for the way I treated you and the attitude i gave you the first year you were here. There were really two reasons for that. The first and more obvious one was that I was a little jealous of you because at the time I had a crush on Buffy. That and I was envious because you were everything I was not, tall ,dark, handsome, strong, and mysterious. That was immature and I'm sorry but that wasn't the main reason".  
  
"Well i guess I get that, you were a teenage boy." angel replies  
  
Xander nodded and continued "The other reason was something completely different it was the real reason I pretty much hated your gut. You probably don't know this but before you an Buffy showed up me and Wills were best friends with a boy named Jesse. Just after buffy showed up Jesse was captured by vampires, we tried to rescue him but it was too late they'd turned him."  
  
'Oh my god i can't believe i didn't know that' Angel watch as unshed tears filled Xander's eyes  
  
"The night of the Harvest Jesse was one of the vamps holding the bronze hostage and I was forced to stake him, watching him turn to dust was one of the hardest things I've ever had to deal with. That's the reason I hated you so much, ever time I looked at you I saw one of the monsters that took my best friend away."  
  
'I can't believe it all this time I thought he was just jealous' "Xander I'm sorry about Jesse seeing me must have been like a constant reminder of what happened."  
  
Xander just nodded his head in acknowledgement before looking up and shaking off the old memories. "Ok last but not lest on my list of confessions, the one I really think your going to hate me for if you didn't already." 'God i hope he doesn't kill me'  
  
Angel was once again confused he could clearly smell fear coming of the boy,' What could he have possibly done that was that bad?'  
  
After a moment Xander carried on "umm there's no easy way to say this, but I'm the reason you ended up in hell"  
  
"What!" Angel yelled and was on his feet and right in front of Xander before he could even blink 'this boy is the reason i was tortured continuously for over 500 years' angel could barely contain his urge to begin beat the boy in to a blood pulp.  
  
"Before of beat me to death can I explain why?" Xander ask in a insolent tone  
  
"Fine" Angel ground out between gritted teeth  
  
"I was suppose to find Buffy and tell her that Willow was going to preform the restoration spell. I found her near the mansion and i was going to tell her but i could see the hope in her eyes when i told willow wanted me to tell her something. i knew when i looked in her eyes that if there was any chance of you being returned to her she wouldn't half fought as hard and that would have gotten her kill and doomed the world. Despite what others might think if the found out what I did had nothing to do with jealousy. I'm truly sorry that you suffered in hell but I'm not sorry for what i did."  
  
By the end of Xander's little speech all of Angel's anger had deflated although he was still a little bitter.  
  
"Your right if buffy had known it would have gotten her killed and the world would be in hell right now. I'm not exactly happy about it but you did the right thing. And i forgive you."  
  
They both sat in quietly for a few minuets reflecting on the previous conversation. Xander was the first to break the silence.  
  
"So, If you forgive me for everything I've done and I forgive you for everything you've done, does the mean were friends?"  
  
"I don't know? Do you want to be? Angel asked.  
  
"Ya, you know what I think I do." He answered.  
  
"I think I'd like that" the vampire resonded with a smile  
  
"Friends" Xander replied with a smile of his own while extending his hand  
  
Angel shook Xander"s hand "Friends" 


End file.
